Days

And suddenly, it is gone.

And you feel almost, normal, again.

As if the devil has left your body.

Whatever was haunting you has at last, moved on.

It is not so difficult to sit in the silence. 

Being alone is not so scary.

Aside from some lingering sickness in the stomach,

Some lump in the throat,

Bobbing like a buoy -

You cannot sink it,

You cannot force it under the ocean…

I feel fine,

Enough to go outside

And look at people

And weave into crowds

Without feeling the fog descend

Covering my eyes

So that I cannot find my way home.

I remember a time when

Something had broken my mind

And I could not clear the pieces

I was hostage to bric-a-brac

Tell me to start with this red junk

Or this blue

Sometimes I just go temporarily blind

Every few months someone forces me into the water

And drowns me

And I have to save myself

Every time

I have to lift my head from the sand 

Spit out the kelp

And return soggily to land

Where I try to live again

And I will live like this

Always knowing 

That something is trying to drag me back

And drown me again

Something inside me doesn’t want to live

And as well there are days where I win

Joy is not blocked from me

Because I see my mother’s hands

And I know the moment

We brushed our teeth together in the same bathroom

And looked out at a summer’s evening

At the most magnificent sunset

Yet, I still win.